I am taking it minute by minute. That is the way I am living in both my worlds. The void is getting deeper each and every day. I know one thing, I am trying my best to live my life. I have changed a lot and I see things so much differently from before. I also see personalities that I really do not like or situations that are like what the heck. I typically log on SL just to sit around my house to style, blog, or just sit there while I do something in RL. My SL is not all that exciting, but my avatar is just typically just there with my physical body somewhere else. This grieving process has been a roller coaster ride that I did not chose to take and I really want to get off this ride. The only thing that really keeps me going in RL is my daughter. I am not sure how I would be without her. What keeps me going in SL? My friends and family that keep me distracted or tolerate my intense mood swings. I guess the mood swings are a typical thing with grieving from what I have been told from my counselor.
But it has been one thing that has been bothering for a very long time so I decided to talk about it because it is just mind blowing to me. During the process, I have old friends from back in the day coming to me supporting me during my grieving process. It has been wonderful. One in particular called my cellphone and said, “OMG, Tosha! Why didn’t you call me to let me know your dad passed. I know you and your dad were close and I always loved how you and your dad talked to each other while I was talking to you. You thought very highly of your dad.” I was leaving the family hour and I stopped my car and started to break down from those words. Someone who I have not talk to in months since both our RLs are hectic from work and family life, took the time to call me and willing to be here with me in Alabama to help me through this time. What a real friend and that was my ride and die chica.
Other experiences has not been so promising and positive. I remember months ago, I had a friend who I truly trusted. I never had a fall out or anything even when I was soul searching in SL and I needed my own space (which I agreed). That person was there when I had my heart surgery and even when I had fall out with my SL partner. I remember being there when all that problems came up with the ex partner even when someone went on a tangent regarding appearances in SL. For the one time when I needed someone the most is the when I lost the person in RL who meant the world to me and my best friend. Where in the hell is this person? You know, I am always nice and kind to others and I do read and follow blogs just because I am a supportive person no matter what they have done to me or how I feel towards to them. That is just a typical human being that is behind this avatar. Personally, I do not want to hear the typical thing of “they probably did not know what to say, blah, blah, blah..” No good enough for this situation. There are just times when I do not know what to say when a person is hurting, but I do know I am there no matter what is needed. I really wish people were the same, but I guess that is just wishful thinking. I am not going to lie. It hurts, but it appears that it does not bother them but I guess it should not bother me. I guess that is the way of the world. It get quit annoying that people do not the see the pain that others are in. I guess for me, I know a person is hurting and even if I do no know them. I try to provide a positive message to them. Anyways. I needed to vent and I got it out.
dress: *Living Imagination* Gypsy Heart – Shej Baxtali, bracelet: *MM* Resin Bangles, and hair: /Wasabi Pills/ Lumi Mesh Hair – Chocolate
Pose: grafica ~ gadael i mirror