.:.Daddy’s Little Girl.:.

As you all know, I lost the love of my life, my father on March 19, 2014. I am heart broken, sad, depressed, and lonely. I miss him so much. My father was my world and my rock and now he is gone. I feel so empty with out him. I miss his voice, smile, laugh, jokes, hugs, and kisses on the forehead. I miss his stories about how he met my mom and the Vietnam War. I just miss all the time. This is very hard for me and most of you do not know how close I was to my dad. Let me provide some insight for you. My dad practically raised me on his own. My mother was a caregiver for her parents for maybe 12 years and my dad took the slack and raised me and my younger brother. He cooked, cleaned, attended all my events (no matter what city or state), and was my confidant. I was more close to my dad than my mom, but I love my mom equally as my dad. To hear of his passing, I broke down and broke my real life camera in the parking lot. The pain is real and my depression is deepening. I want him back and I need him so much. I do not know what I am going to do with out him. Please understand that at this time, I am going through depression and I am hurting. If I do not talk to you or anything, I just not in the mood and I am just want to be alone. The old me is gone and I am not sure I will be getting her back.

To my wonderful dad: Your absence in our lives is unimaginably significant, and my soul is filled with grief to know that this absence is permanent. Nothing could have prepared me for the depth of sorrow I feel when I think of your passing. Still though, I am honored to have been in your presence during such a profound change in your being.  And while I am completely beside myself when faced with the reality of loss, angered that you were taken from me, I feel some comfort knowing our voices were the last you heard. The world became a little less bright, and I haven’t quite laughed as hard.  The back and forth of my emotions has taken the biggest toll on me.  The stress of losing you is being physically manifested.

My hopes for the future were crushed when you left this world.  It is a harsh reality to know that my Dad, the man who comforted me in tough times, cooked for me when I was hungry, taught me how to drive, advised me though break ups, painted my nails, and loved me every minute of my life, won’t be there for the most important things I have yet to accomplish.  You won’t be able to walk me down the aisle, and give me away to the man that loves me second most behind you.   I know you would have been an amazing father-in-law for my future husband, have been cheated out of meeting someone so thoroughly amazing.  This is something that saddens me the most.

.  I am also grateful you were rid of your failing, pained body, and are free from hurt and suffering.  On the other hand, not being able to give you a hug, or solicit your advice, laugh with you, and cry with you, is tragic.  My hope is that you continue to watch over me and guide me through this long life-time without you.  Keep guiding me in the direction of being a better person, and visiting me in my dreams.  I miss you, from the bottom of my heart I miss you so dearly.

Until we meet again, Your loving daughter,

Tosha

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